Sitting in my comfy 1940’s style chair by the window, I pull back the curtains to watch the sky lightening outside. Coffee and toast at hand, heater humming its warmth across the room, my brave cyclamen plant waving three perfect red blooms as I contemplate where I am.
Six weeks ago, I flew halfway around the world to revisit a place and people that had been instrumental in affirming myself as someone worthy of love. Fifty years ago, I had pursued an inner urging to be an exchange student. Yes, that was the directive that I heard. There were none in my school but I knew that such things existed. I researched how to become one at the library. Remember card catalogs and books being the source to turn to for knowledge? After a time, I found the Rotary Clubs and sought out my local one which knew nothing of the programs. After persistence on my part, I made it through the state qualifying interviews and succeeded in being sent to Albany, Western Australia……halfway around the world. You had no choice as to where you were being sent, your information went out and a Rotary Club somewhere in the world, picked you.
Fortune shined on me as that turned out to be my Cinderella year. I had spent my life as the “little mother” in my family with five siblings. It was a harsh environment for my sensitive soul as alcohol, anger and violence were part of my life. Acknowledgement was found through doing for others so it was a complete reversal to experience others doing for me. I was feted and celebrated. I had been determined to shed my shy girl persona and make the most of every opportunity to live anew. I was blessed to meet a group of friends who embraced me with such acceptance and love that my life was forever transformed.
Beautiful cottages in Albany, WA.
There were a few return trips and when not there, an unsettling yearning for that life. After completing my teaching degree in the USA, I returned to apply for my residency in Western Australia. During that trip as I was awaiting a teaching post, I was shown that it was not the life that I had planned before incarnating. It was too easy and I had agreed to experience some difficult lessons in this completion lifetime and they were to be found back in the USA with family and others. I listened and followed my inner guidance though it was a searing wrench to leave that life behind.
Marriage and children happened and the years passed in a blur. Then seventeen years ago, I once again returned at the urging of a friend, who understood that I was in dire straits. Western Australia worked her magic on me and I was able to find the strength to end my marriage of twenty-four years. My friends gave me back pieces of myself that I had lost in the long dark tunnel of marriage with a sex addict.
View of the harbor at my favorite place, Albany, WA.
Fast forward to the present, finding my life consumed by children and grandchildren, coming through a health journey of a broken wrist and back issues, I was once again encouraged by a friend to take a break for myself. It proved to be another layer of completion with the land and the people. It was the first time that I was able to leave Western Australia without feeling as if I were being torn apart. It seemed that I floated there through that long flight and floated back out. All with ease and a sense of peace.
The daily sunshine infilled my cells as did the swimming in the Indian Ocean. Here are some snapshots of my time:
Standing thigh deep in the ocean, chatting with a friend as we watched the sunset. He says, “Don’t move.” I look about and watch a sting ray glide by, with its gently rippling wings.
Sitting in a friend’s painting studio, listening to him as he works on a large canvas. Sharing thoughts on art and life, a hum sounding between us.
Crawling into crisp cotton sheets in a girlfriend’s house that is funky and beautiful. It feels like living in a William Morris world where only things of beauty exist. Art and textiles, beautifully crafted clothing (she is a fashion designer and incredible seamstress) delicious food, books and deep conversations…all nourished me.
Preparing the evening meal of cheese and crackers to accompany their daily glass of wine for the dearest family of my exchange years. Now, ninety and ninety-three years old, they are both still have their wits about them, as they say. I spend days going at their pace, leaving for walks and swims during their rest times. Quiet conversations and a surprising apology and healing from a painful incident seventeen years before with the woman. We were able to find a bridge of love between our differing beliefs. She was so grateful for the opportunity to make it right in person though I had not held any negative thoughts and had written to her of my understanding of why she had acted as she did. Being together cemented the love that is true between us.
A boat ride to check a friend’s cray pots and watch a dolphin swimming alongside. The surprise of an octopus in the pot whose head was full of cray meat that it had sucked from the limp crayfish. Its tentacles came writhing out of the confines of the pot before slithering out completely. My friend quickly cut off its head and threw it on the bottom of the boat. The octopus continued to slither about, startling me into pulling my legs up onto the seat so as to avoid the touch of its tentacles. Yikes! When we returned back to the house, my friend gathered gear and shouted for me to grab the octopus to bring it in as he would cook it. I used all my courage to pick up it up now that it had stopped writhing about.
Walking in the bush and seeing a kangaroo hop past. He then stopped to turn and look at me. He stood up and twitched his ears, one way and then another. He scratched his side, looking so human as we communed without sound.
Awakening to the raucous cries of various colorful birds outside my window.
Sitting with earphones, listening to something on my computer while my friends sat in front of the tv. All of us eating our dinner, together yet separate. The feeling of peace and ease amongst us, palpable.
The heartache of being so far away when my three year old granddaughter was very ill for a week. I wanted to get on a plane immediately and fly home but it was right at the beginning of my trip and the logistics would take time to arrange. She recovered thankfully but it was a scary time for my son and daughter in love. I knew that I did not want a life so far from her or my grandsons.
A morning spent with the eighteen year old daughter of a dear friend. Walking about, snapping photos, loving her. She says, “You are a cheerleader, you should be a life coach.” My heart happy for the opportunity to cheer on such a radiant soul.
The bush with its eucalyptus trees.
Lying on a beanbag chair at park to watch an outdoor movie with dear friends. Sharing the popcorn and our picnic dinner as I took breaks from the screen to look up at the stars. The joy of the Southern Cross constellation once again being in my view.
Sleeping in so many different places, at times feeling undone, wanting the comfort of home. Thoughts of changing my ticket to an earlier return arose. Breathing in, sitting with all the discomfort until the loosening and letting go internally. The surrender to the moment and recognizing the up and down nature of it all.
Hearing my friend tell a young man, “Don’t use sarcasm with Linda, she does not like it.” I ask how he knows that. He says he has known it since he first met me at 18 years of age. Marveling at all that we still know of one another from that first year that I came to WA.
Looking through old photos of our youth and of the lives we have all lived since then. Marriages, divorces, children, grandchildren, parents dying, depression, health issues…..life’s many challenges faced and lived. Looking back and looking forward to all that is there for us.
The deep sobs that caught me as I said goodbye to people, not wanting to let go. Some partings so bittersweet as I knew that I would not see them again due to their age and health. Most others, I knew not when we would be with each other again. Always the lesson to love fully and freely in every moment.
Now the opportunity to stay more connected through live chats, email and letters for the older ones who do not do technology. I will make the effort as these friendships are true and have withstood the test of time. Many with decades between conversations and yet the knowing of one another’s hearts alive and well. I realize more deeply how these heart connections are forever. I know myself to be blessed.
We know that all life flourishes with appreciation and attention. I know this as an educator and a mother. Beat the drum of the positive, find the good in everyone. Yet, I found myself once again beating the drum of the negative about my daughter’s former husband. He is the father of my grandchild and his decisions for my grandchild and towards my daughter, are at times, hard to take. They seem rooted in unkindness and I react in anger. This is a valid reaction. Though beyond this initial reaction I can feel the wounding that acts to control others, to put others down. I want to allow myself the reaction internally by writing it out or moving it through my body but not spreading it around to others. It does not help anyone. It does not ennoble anyone, rather it diminishes me.
